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Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

#19558140
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34392) - you deserved it (3793)

On 05/01/2012 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by rolyat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

#21323487
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (3793)

On 12/24/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47614) - you deserved it (3792)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

#14239433
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44051) - you deserved it (3792)

On 12/17/2010 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

#13978523
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (3792)

On 11/25/2010 at 7:55pm - love - by TheCrackerNinja - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

#21093159
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42093) - you deserved it (3792)

On 03/22/2014 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

#21358494
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33452) - you deserved it (3792)

On 02/18/2015 at 7:35am - work - by lonergirl - Australia

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32660) - you deserved it (3792)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

#7145506
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25249) - you deserved it (3791)

On 01/04/2010 at 12:52pm - health - by Wally (man) - Mexico

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

#17237614
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34001) - you deserved it (3791)

On 07/24/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

#20524817
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31396) - you deserved it (3791)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:42pm - misc - by forgotten - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

#20770351
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47730) - you deserved it (3791)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:48am - health - by insurance lies - United States

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

#21365511
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34269) - you deserved it (3791)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:47pm - intimacy - by k8thagr8 (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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