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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

#18210187
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47741) - you deserved it (3471)

On 11/10/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Nicoli - United States (Washington)

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

#19533059
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24600) - you deserved it (3471) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Magicgwen - Sent from mobile version

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

#19755806
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21064) - you deserved it (3471)

On 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm - misc - by hackshack (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

#2303239
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56001) - you deserved it (3470)

On 05/26/2009 at 5:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

#20480710
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30075) - you deserved it (3470)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

#21320982
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28767) - you deserved it (3470)

On 12/20/2014 at 3:45pm - love - by KalaKa (man) - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

#2885254
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44409) - you deserved it (3469)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by stolenbike (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

#5466337
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68712) - you deserved it (3469)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

#17691004
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36061) - you deserved it (3469)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:53pm - misc - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

#19287626
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42824) - you deserved it (3469)

On 03/16/2012 at 6:38am - love - by elisabeth_pwnes - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37181) - you deserved it (3469)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41112) - you deserved it (3468)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

#6565832
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27641) - you deserved it (3467)

On 12/02/2009 at 8:27am - work - by ostler (man) - United Kingdom



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