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Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

by 2gewd4u / 01/14/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, after a very heartfelt conversation with my mother, I promised her that I'd quit smoking. I walked in on her smoking my cigarettes an hour later. Her excuse was that she didn't want my money to have gone to waste. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

by vampyrate3562 / 01/29/2015 at 7:56am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

by whoawhat / 11/11/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

by Annonymous / 12/16/2010 at 9:28pm / Animals

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

by punchedhelper / 06/20/2012 at 7:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend pointed out that the water bill is getting kind of high. I suggested that we shower together to save water. He said he'd rather deal with the high water bill. FML

by LonelyShowers / 07/04/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I called out "personal" from work because I had to study for a major test that is taking place tomorrow. An hour later my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously", then I got an email that the test is being postponed. FML

by Laurendorcus / 03/14/2010 at 7:13pm / Work

Today, I found out that my mother in-law's flight home is canceled, and that she's staying three more days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

by Janie / 01/10/2012 at 12:52am / United States / Love

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

by SonofDonald / 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm / United States / Love