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Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

#21062479
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37304) - you deserved it (3591)

On 02/16/2014 at 2:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

#21198473
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37269) - you deserved it (3591)

On 07/04/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by cakefete2 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44652) - you deserved it (3591)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

#21384606
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you deserved it (3591)

On 03/31/2015 at 5:35am - love - by lucasbeck99 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

#21401631
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26152) - you deserved it (3591)

On 04/29/2015 at 7:11am - love - by xxlenalunaxx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML

#6397503
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33202) - you deserved it (3590)

On 11/21/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

#13268131
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25636) - you deserved it (3590)

On 09/30/2010 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

#20423285
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46104) - you deserved it (3590)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:32am - love - by Jolene - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

#5993337
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44640) - you deserved it (3589)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

#7642082
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (3589)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:55pm - kids - by jmitch1209 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30537) - you deserved it (3589)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39555) - you deserved it (3589)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

#6013490
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35292) - you deserved it (3588)

On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)



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