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Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38568) - you deserved it (3160)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had this really high fever and my sister decides I'm hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

#21202148
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36152) - you deserved it (3160)

On 07/07/2014 at 9:41pm - health - by egged - Singapore

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22120) - you deserved it (3159)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

#8819773
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22790) - you deserved it (3159)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Heather (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

#13263199
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23969) - you deserved it (3159)

On 09/30/2010 at 1:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

#18765648
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21205) - you deserved it (3159)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by NJ <3 - United States

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

#19948524
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28049) - you deserved it (3159)

On 07/17/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by theuglyfriend (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30980) - you deserved it (3163)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

#2422
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17780) - you deserved it (3158)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by the-yao - United States (California)

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24098) - you deserved it (3158)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

#17734062
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27189) - you deserved it (3158)

On 09/13/2011 at 1:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44128) - you deserved it (3158)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

#5525122
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38344) - you deserved it (3157)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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