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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

#20114701
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35849) - you deserved it (3394)

On 10/13/2012 at 8:04am - intimacy - by notthebesttime -

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

#20633909
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42026) - you deserved it (3394)

On 04/30/2013 at 10:50pm - misc - by creepycrawley247 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

#14552132
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25748) - you deserved it (3393)

On 01/12/2011 at 8:14am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

#16722873
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50279) - you deserved it (3393) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/18/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Inconnu - France

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

#20541928
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33963) - you deserved it (3393)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

#21340816
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29476) - you deserved it (3393)

On 01/20/2015 at 6:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

#267715
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75918) - you deserved it (3392)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

#21392608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26165) - you deserved it (3393)

On 04/12/2015 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

#14559001
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30441) - you deserved it (3392)

On 01/12/2011 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

#19287626
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (3392)

On 03/16/2012 at 6:38am - love - by elisabeth_pwnes - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

#19315463
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29999) - you deserved it (3392)

On 03/20/2012 at 6:27pm - misc - by Laura - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

#20870135
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39673) - you deserved it (3392)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:10pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32872) - you deserved it (3392)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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