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Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

#15130627
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32483) - you deserved it (3096)

On 02/26/2011 at 8:56pm - misc - by Angela (woman) - United States

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

#17252613
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31460) - you deserved it (3096)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Bec (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28695) - you deserved it (3096)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

#5187639
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51432) - you deserved it (3095)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

#12999692
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21532) - you deserved it (3095)

On 09/11/2010 at 2:19am - misc - by ~JESSICA~ - United States

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

#14019566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22530) - you deserved it (3095)

On 11/29/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by AntiAxe -

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#17017856
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53187) - you deserved it (3095)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

#20052248
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15853) - you deserved it (3095)

On 09/01/2012 at 9:58am - misc - by Chucho - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

#14898622
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32627) - you deserved it (3094)

On 02/08/2011 at 6:29pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

#15651361
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33380) - you deserved it (3094)

On 04/05/2011 at 2:13pm - money - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

#20149952
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19067) - you deserved it (3094)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:42am - love - by cowgirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML



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