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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me but wanted to make sure that we were still friends, so he could still use my Netflix. FML

#20963690
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43983) - you deserved it (3438)

On 11/19/2013 at 7:19pm - love - by unwantedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

#21025526
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46982) - you deserved it (3438)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

#1127830
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57624) - you deserved it (3438)

On 04/19/2009 at 7:07pm - work - by guessimdead (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

#5710708
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31432) - you deserved it (3437)

On 10/07/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by dangerousknitter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

#14043975
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33864) - you deserved it (3437)

On 12/01/2010 at 1:38am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39452) - you deserved it (3437)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

#19539358
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44780) - you deserved it (3437)

On 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by yosenfal (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, driving home, I got bored and started debating how I know this is reality and not just a dream, even though dreams often seem real. The answer came quickly; in my dreams, I work normal hours and have time for things like hanging out with friends, and having a girlfriend. FML

#19499711
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15951) - you deserved it (3437)

On 04/20/2012 at 4:56am - misc - by metalwolf - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

#19950905
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25361) - you deserved it (3437)

On 07/17/2012 at 5:11pm - love - by Alliente - United States

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

#20175088
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (3437)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by Tymer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

#20509033
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26306) - you deserved it (3437)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by howannoying - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

#20895735
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39866) - you deserved it (3437)

On 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by burb - Germany (Berlin)

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

#21242471
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35685) - you deserved it (3437)

On 08/21/2014 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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