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Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

#6084387
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27167) - you deserved it (3480)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Morgannaken (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37120) - you deserved it (3480)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

#21305429
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26783) - you deserved it (3480)

On 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm - misc - by Hammy - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

#21367801
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42395) - you deserved it (3480)

On 03/04/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Highnapple - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

#199047
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65837) - you deserved it (3479)

On 03/03/2009 at 7:18pm - work - by samantha (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

#4853130
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46666) - you deserved it (3480)

On 08/27/2009 at 1:53am - money - by smoothcoffee (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

#4356276
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43642) - you deserved it (3479)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by Jessika (woman) - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

#13220613
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24696) - you deserved it (3479)

On 09/27/2010 at 9:09am - misc - by lovelife - United States

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

#14396481
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44824) - you deserved it (3479)

On 12/30/2010 at 2:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

#16510311
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38649) - you deserved it (3479)

On 06/05/2011 at 3:00am - misc - by kyle - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

#18302011
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44961) - you deserved it (3479)

On 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm - kids - by brokeandalone (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

#20200101
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31794) - you deserved it (3479)

On 12/11/2012 at 3:39am - love - by you're just creepy. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

#20069005
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23335) - you deserved it (3479)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm - misc - by conspicuous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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