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Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 10:58am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

by anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2013 at 4:52pm / Norway (Akershus) / Love

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

by fuck you, kid / 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

by Nikki / 05/30/2010 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

by me / 12/05/2011 at 3:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

by semi-depressed / 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

by Ryan / 02/07/2010 at 9:18am / Work

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

by MissArizona / 08/08/2011 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I offered my phone number to the guy I've been flirting back and forth with all week. He said no. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 9:26pm / United States / Love

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2013 at 2:42pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health