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Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

by just trying to be nice / 06/20/2013 at 10:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

by too young for this / 04/12/2013 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

by vreenya / 04/08/2014 at 4:13pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Kids

Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 12:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 9:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I got my tax return. I was really excited. Turns out the government does take the time to send out a tax return for $1.36. FML

by nicolo / 10/27/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

by twice-a-day / 11/18/2010 at 12:04am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

by Vic / 07/11/2011 at 5:00am / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

by UHM / 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

by çapousse2904 / 09/12/2014 at 1:45am / Health

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

by ninaaaa / 02/23/2014 at 7:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 10:59am / United States / Love