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Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

#21255044
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43833) - you deserved it (3417)

On 09/09/2014 at 12:47pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

#4954
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19092) - you deserved it (3416)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:11pm - work - by fonsui - United States (New York)

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

#5307828
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40134) - you deserved it (3416)

On 09/17/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

#20512419
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30948) - you deserved it (3416)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58990) - you deserved it (3415)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to close my legs and stop checking out her man. FML

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

#19515625
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34120) - you deserved it (3415)

On 04/23/2012 at 5:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

#21265612
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (3415)

On 09/26/2014 at 2:56am - love - by bri_sci94 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

#4751851
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31909) - you deserved it (3414)

On 08/23/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Boltz719 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

#14093587
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you deserved it (3414)

On 12/05/2010 at 7:48am - love - by Jaded618 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

#15844059
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32368) - you deserved it (3414)

On 04/19/2011 at 4:23am - misc - by BerkeleyBiker (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44342) - you deserved it (3413)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

#4992541
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42790) - you deserved it (3413)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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