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Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

#8769205
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18779) - you deserved it (3239)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:38am - intimacy - by virginmary - Reserved

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation, only to find my mother-in-law didn't just dog-sit while I was gone; she moved in, along with all her possessions, and seems to think it's a permanent deal. FML

#15562306
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34600) - you deserved it (3239)

On 03/30/2011 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anon_a_mouse (man) - Reserved

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46788) - you deserved it (3239)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

#18968105
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35061) - you deserved it (3239)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

#19781489
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23642) - you deserved it (3239)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:50am - work - by lonelyharts86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31591) - you deserved it (3239)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

#21080535
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40590) - you deserved it (3239)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jehovah God (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

#13946
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30529) - you deserved it (3238)

On 02/07/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by Noname - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

#1814886
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60084) - you deserved it (3238)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

#3228837
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39806) - you deserved it (3238)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:43am - work - by donezo (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

#17173696
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41113) - you deserved it (3238)

On 07/19/2011 at 3:40am - intimacy - by ken - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

#16149658
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39108) - you deserved it (3238)

On 05/12/2011 at 9:09pm - love - by Whosthegroom (man) - United States (Indiana)



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