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Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

#5618437
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16781) - you deserved it (3502)

On 10/03/2009 at 8:20am - intimacy - by lauz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you deserved it (3502)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

#5589145
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46797) - you deserved it (3502)

On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

#14894865
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31930) - you deserved it (3502)

On 02/08/2011 at 11:27am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I spent almost $200 on a planetarium show with my boyfriend, who loves astronomy. He said his favorite thing about it was that he could pick his nose without anyone noticing. FML

#17904030
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (3502)

On 10/04/2011 at 2:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

#19631017
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (3502)

On 05/16/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by inapickle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

#20668366
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41676) - you deserved it (3502)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by presente13 (woman) - United States

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

#20801990
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46289) - you deserved it (3502)

On 07/24/2013 at 10:33pm - misc - by GeeThanks (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

#6339053
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26092) - you deserved it (3501)

On 11/17/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by Chriso (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

#6351303
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22605) - you deserved it (3501)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by disheshateme (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

#18118791
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28154) - you deserved it (3501)

On 10/31/2011 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Hollywoodanonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I came home from living in Spain for 2 years. My mom made dinner for me, and she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, and calling 911 for myself, I heard my mom say to my dad, "She always did have to be the center of attention." FML

#3927246
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61537) - you deserved it (3500)

On 07/21/2009 at 11:19am - health - by Lemonhead (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to register for college classes with my mom. Upon leaving, my mom confessed to me that she thinks I will get pregnant and drop out before my freshman year is over. FML



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