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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

#17617939
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28770) - you deserved it (3461)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

#20087984
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33849) - you deserved it (3461)

On 09/25/2012 at 11:09am - intimacy - by supapimpin (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

#20506625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29658) - you deserved it (3461)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45633) - you deserved it (3461)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

#21410455
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you deserved it (3461)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by Anon - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

#3497280
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39356) - you deserved it (3460)

On 07/05/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Disgusted (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

#20901560
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45954) - you deserved it (3460)

On 09/30/2013 at 2:02am - work - by 3 More Months (man) - United States (California)

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

#21338512
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28691) - you deserved it (3460)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by DrLight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

#6578474
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37312) - you deserved it (3459)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:59am - health - by ewww (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

#7158529
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21327) - you deserved it (3459)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24568) - you deserved it (3459)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36964) - you deserved it (3459)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49542) - you deserved it (3458)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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