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Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

#21340673
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29473) - you deserved it (3528)

On 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by BDSM4Jesus - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

#459
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24091) - you deserved it (3527)

On 12/06/2008 at 7:14am - love - by Sybille - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out a guy I had a thing with a while back thinks I am obsessed with him. This is because when he said that we should be friends, I stupidly thought he was being sincere and bothered to call him all of three times in the last five months. Clearly a sign of obsession. FML

#8634041
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26743) - you deserved it (3527)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:37am - love - by loling (woman) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

#19842330
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28108) - you deserved it (3527)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:08am - kids - by abbielane - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#21429093
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22135) - you deserved it (3527)

On 06/20/2015 at 3:03pm - misc - by Bengemon825 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML

#6414657
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44839) - you deserved it (3526)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:59pm - love - by Micheal (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

#18120236
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26300) - you deserved it (3526)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:07am - misc - by spacemanspiff78 (man) -

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

#18959581
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23146) - you deserved it (3526)

On 01/31/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by Lentil (woman) - Australia

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

#7254333
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24524) - you deserved it (3525)

On 01/10/2010 at 5:45am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML

#9647002
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41568) - you deserved it (3525)

On 04/05/2010 at 6:14am - misc - by blah. - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML

#14560893
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30721) - you deserved it (3525)

On 01/12/2011 at 11:42pm - kids - by tatortot7707 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29068) - you deserved it (3525)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)



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