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Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

#19397932
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (3540)

On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

#20808417
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48625) - you deserved it (3540)

On 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by the un-loved child - United States (California)

Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML

#20969207
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45051) - you deserved it (3540)

On 11/24/2013 at 4:38pm - work - by fuggers :/ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

#806381
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65450) - you deserved it (3539)

On 04/04/2009 at 9:07pm - kids - by Nottheprettylady (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

#8748145
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26871) - you deserved it (3539)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:09pm - kids - by moneyman22 - United States (New York)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

#19276997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22135) - you deserved it (3539)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:19am - money - by me - United States (Florida)

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

#20788409
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42463) - you deserved it (3539)

On 07/17/2013 at 1:38pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

#20804901
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44618) - you deserved it (3539)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm - misc - by trailertrashyanditsucks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53440) - you deserved it (3539)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

#21209204
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44943) - you deserved it (3539)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:52pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

#21338512
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29185) - you deserved it (3539)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by DrLight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

#4827705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63493) - you deserved it (3538)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

#7501218
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41759) - you deserved it (3538)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Funnymann - United States



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