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Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

#13287262
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32219) - you deserved it (3474)

On 10/02/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to see the school counselor to schedule my classes for school. She asked me if I knew how to speak English. My parents are Chinese and I don't even know how to speak Chinese. I've lived in America my whole life. Plus, I even spoke to her in English to ask about classes. FML

#21200980
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44529) - you deserved it (3474)

On 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

#21305429
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26755) - you deserved it (3474)

On 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm - misc - by Hammy - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55370) - you deserved it (3473)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

#5518308
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27207) - you deserved it (3473)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by NiHao (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

#14521055
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22076) - you deserved it (3473)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

#20011233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20398) - you deserved it (3474)

On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

#21323893
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33498) - you deserved it (3473)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40019) - you deserved it (3472)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. He was drunk and won't remember any of this tomorrow. FML

#18101640
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31667) - you deserved it (3472)

On 10/29/2011 at 4:56am - love - by cai - United States

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48860) - you deserved it (3472)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39446) - you deserved it (3472)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)



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