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Today, my 5 year old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked "mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?". FML

#983
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22935) - you deserved it (2641)

On 01/12/2009 at 4:37am - kids - by Lax - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

#17063070
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53026) - you deserved it (2641)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

#20807935
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39361) - you deserved it (2641)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:23pm - work - by fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo (man) - United States

Today, I realized that the only part of my body that has had a reduction in size from changing my diet and working out isn't my stomach or my thighs but my already undersized breasts. FML

#7094608
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25108) - you deserved it (2641)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

#17283376
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26974) - you deserved it (2640)

On 07/28/2011 at 2:18am - animals - by Tali (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

#20928702
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38937) - you deserved it (2640)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15034) - you deserved it (2639)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

#2299417
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39925) - you deserved it (2639)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

#19661428
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19989) - you deserved it (2639)

On 05/22/2012 at 8:21am - love - by ordinaryday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

#20545151
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29173) - you deserved it (2639)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43080) - you deserved it (2639)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

#2763386
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38322) - you deserved it (2638)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML



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