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Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

#4293059
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46678) - you deserved it (3096)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by andi0804 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

#7042607
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19359) - you deserved it (3096)

On 12/30/2009 at 8:32pm - misc - by stonesober (man) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

#12209813
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40161) - you deserved it (3096)

On 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm - work - by MLZ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37991) - you deserved it (3096)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML

#14721609
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26349) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/26/2011 at 4:26pm - love - by Unreality (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

#14710569
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41487) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/25/2011 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

#5819831
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21720) - you deserved it (3094)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by Chensticles - Sent from mobile version

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

#7760741
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25608) - you deserved it (3094)

On 01/31/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

#18056102
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25131) - you deserved it (3094)

On 10/23/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

#12097515
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23656) - you deserved it (3094)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:17am - kids - by longdrive (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

#17252613
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31396) - you deserved it (3094)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Bec (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

#20052248
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15817) - you deserved it (3094)

On 09/01/2012 at 9:58am - misc - by Chucho - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

#20514871
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30944) - you deserved it (3094)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm - love - by ? - United States (California)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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