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Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

#18120236
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (3521)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:07am - misc - by spacemanspiff78 (man) -

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

#18959581
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23125) - you deserved it (3521)

On 01/31/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by Lentil (woman) - Australia

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

#16932520
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31711) - you deserved it (3520)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

#17404409
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52771) - you deserved it (3520)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

#20502433
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42924) - you deserved it (3520)

On 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

#4407922
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45250) - you deserved it (3519)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

#6969552
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31587) - you deserved it (3519)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by DroopyDog (woman) - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

#14545720
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37151) - you deserved it (3519)

On 01/11/2011 at 2:06pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

#15431401
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38393) - you deserved it (3519)

On 03/22/2011 at 12:59pm - work - by SickandTired (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

#17611865
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31645) - you deserved it (3519)

On 08/29/2011 at 11:38am - health - by KJL - United States

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

#17987492
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42755) - you deserved it (3519)

On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

#20764102
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37647) - you deserved it (3519)

On 07/04/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by uvagirl - United States

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37119) - you deserved it (3519)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)



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