Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2014 at 1:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

by desocrates / 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

by rhythmbandit / 10/09/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

by communistgirl / 01/24/2012 at 11:42am / United States / Work

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

by Wrongword / 04/17/2012 at 6:52am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

by unlucky / 10/08/2012 at 12:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

by Guntherdog / 06/27/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

by tacky_unrefined / 02/16/2009 at 6:01pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

by kareed3 / 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2009 at 1:18am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

by Kelsie / 12/12/2009 at 10:41am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

by PixieWrists / 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health