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Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

by RiceSickle / 07/31/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

by Vahootie / 03/02/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Louisiana) / Money

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 10:19pm / Reserved / Work

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

by JeezyCherieze / 04/10/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

by James4929 / 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

by lost_ina_dream / 02/20/2010 at 8:21pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a water park with my family. While on the 100ft slide, my father decided it would be a great idea to pants me. I slipped and went down the 100ft slide naked for everyone to see. FML

by shitpile / 08/06/2010 at 2:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:20pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Money

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

by ksgirl / 09/12/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

by blumaster04 / 12/22/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML

by heartsick / 10/23/2011 at 9:37pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

by Aleial / 11/19/2011 at 3:20am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

by divorcee / 09/05/2012 at 11:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work