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Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML

#20903036
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39343) - you deserved it (3657)

On 10/01/2013 at 4:34am - misc - by novapine (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML

#20936443
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38359) - you deserved it (3657)

On 10/28/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29539) - you deserved it (3656)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

#13998469
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40949) - you deserved it (3656)

On 11/27/2010 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

#19495947
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19965) - you deserved it (3656)

On 04/19/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by noooo!!! - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34926) - you deserved it (3656)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25751) - you deserved it (3656)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

#5307828
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (3655)

On 09/17/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

#14445248
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31766) - you deserved it (3655)

On 01/02/2011 at 11:14pm - misc - by Kristin (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

#14932173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30012) - you deserved it (3655)

On 02/11/2011 at 3:27am - work - by alliwantisabandaid -

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

#15920978
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38440) - you deserved it (3655)

On 04/25/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by nipman - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

#19352692
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22342) - you deserved it (3656)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States

Today, I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

#20980160
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43705) - you deserved it (3655)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Broke - United States (Texas)



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