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Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

#20531557
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25708) - you deserved it (2899)

On 03/04/2013 at 10:38pm - work - by KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59647) - you deserved it (2898)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend said I looked like ET and made me pose next to a full scale model of him while she took a picture. She's showing her friends the picture and they agree. FML

#17795407
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24504) - you deserved it (2898)

On 09/21/2011 at 12:42pm - love - by srloin (man) - United States

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

#20993906
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35495) - you deserved it (2898)

On 12/15/2013 at 9:04pm - kids - by lavenderpiss (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19718) - you deserved it (2897)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22815) - you deserved it (2897)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

#20146254
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27956) - you deserved it (2897)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - love - by markderanjer (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

#20679212
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34435) - you deserved it (2897)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29308) - you deserved it (2896)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

#15914816
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33546) - you deserved it (2896)

On 04/25/2011 at 1:01am - misc - by Mr. Headshot -

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

#17742540
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29296) - you deserved it (2896)

On 09/14/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by jumpedjogger - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
151 comments

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

#20880018
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38740) - you deserved it (2896)

On 09/13/2013 at 7:13pm - work - by Anonynommer (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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