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Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27707) - you deserved it (3195)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

#20797503
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47265) - you deserved it (3195)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39089) - you deserved it (3195)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

#21247834
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35937) - you deserved it (3195)

On 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

#4020184
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49161) - you deserved it (3194)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Jake (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

#20790014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47177) - you deserved it (3194)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend and mother have been sending each other sexually-explicit picture messages. FML

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

#2401768
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46634) - you deserved it (3193)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jazzyfayyye (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48842) - you deserved it (3193)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

#19636097
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16450) - you deserved it (3193)

On 05/17/2012 at 8:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

#20118123
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24278) - you deserved it (3193)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

#20863302
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38197) - you deserved it (3193)

On 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm - work - by aisbash (woman) - United States (California)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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