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Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

#13927499
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27911) - you deserved it (3154)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

#13263199
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23902) - you deserved it (3154)

On 09/30/2010 at 1:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my classmates affectionately refer to me as "the kid whose eyes are really far apart." FML

#16101682
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28542) - you deserved it (3154)

On 05/09/2011 at 3:05am - misc - by theyarefarapart -

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

#18765648
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21153) - you deserved it (3154)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by NJ <3 - United States

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

#6706699
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24026) - you deserved it (3153)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

#16371411
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29019) - you deserved it (3153)

On 05/27/2011 at 11:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47518) - you deserved it (3153)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

#20723014
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56190) - you deserved it (3153)

On 06/13/2013 at 3:05am - health - by _Tatyana_ - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML

#20797503
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46785) - you deserved it (3153)

On 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44068) - you deserved it (3154)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

#20871127
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49244) - you deserved it (3153)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

#20896754
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37569) - you deserved it (3153)

On 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

#2298
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21751) - you deserved it (3152)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:33am - love - by josh - United States (Indiana)



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