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Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

#8769205
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18740) - you deserved it (3236)

On 03/02/2010 at 7:38am - intimacy - by virginmary - Reserved

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

#16149658
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39048) - you deserved it (3236)

On 05/12/2011 at 9:09pm - love - by Whosthegroom (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

#21057222
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40358) - you deserved it (3236)

On 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

#6150429
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27335) - you deserved it (3235)

On 11/04/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by xo007 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

#7215192
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20536) - you deserved it (3235)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

#20434488
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36297) - you deserved it (3235)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

#20503604
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32745) - you deserved it (3235)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm - misc - by Meaghan (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34869) - you deserved it (3235)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

#4709917
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36922) - you deserved it (3234)

On 08/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

#6296943
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (3234)

On 11/14/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by runner - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

#12760106
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33157) - you deserved it (3234)

On 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

#14033332
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29510) - you deserved it (3234)

On 11/30/2010 at 3:48am - intimacy - by Jack -

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

#18968105
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35025) - you deserved it (3234)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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