Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61628) - you deserved it (3874)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

#10760568
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61373) - you deserved it (3874)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm - love - by DHarman (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

#12201000
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44146) - you deserved it (3875)

On 07/30/2010 at 2:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

#15264127
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36737) - you deserved it (3874)

On 03/10/2011 at 4:42pm - love - by dumped (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

#18385318
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40443) - you deserved it (3874)

On 11/29/2011 at 2:29pm - love - by toobad - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30117) - you deserved it (3874)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55838) - you deserved it (3874)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

#20806263
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47643) - you deserved it (3875)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonycunt (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to pizza hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML

#20903132
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49256) - you deserved it (3874)

On 10/01/2013 at 8:32am - love - by hmmm (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

#16817189
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28068) - you deserved it (3873)

On 06/23/2011 at 2:13pm - work - by hatemyjob (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I listened as my ridiculously wealthy friend excitedly rambled on and on about her latest shopping trip. This is the same friend who owes me £150, and accused me of being insensitive for asking her to repay it at some point. FML

#17928398
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30709) - you deserved it (3873)

On 10/07/2011 at 3:02pm - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

#18206362
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32023) - you deserved it (3873)

On 11/09/2011 at 10:52pm - misc - by Noslo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

#19984576
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29694) - you deserved it (3873)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Just Me (woman) - United States (New York)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: