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Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

#20575140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39837) - you deserved it (3539)

On 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm - kids - by icanthearyou (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML

#20969207
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45025) - you deserved it (3539)

On 11/24/2013 at 4:38pm - work - by fuggers :/ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

#5564287
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42735) - you deserved it (3538)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:12am - health - by sick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

#14848305
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (3538)

On 02/05/2011 at 2:16am - love - by sadman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

#16661318
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37481) - you deserved it (3538)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by ugh - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

#18891781
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43153) - you deserved it (3538)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

#19276997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22109) - you deserved it (3538)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:19am - money - by me - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

#19397932
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33084) - you deserved it (3538)

On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

#20808417
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48608) - you deserved it (3538)

On 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by the un-loved child - United States (California)

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53422) - you deserved it (3538)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

#7501218
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41723) - you deserved it (3537)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Funnymann - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

#8748145
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26834) - you deserved it (3537)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:09pm - kids - by moneyman22 - United States (New York)

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

#14325917
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32306) - you deserved it (3537)

On 12/24/2010 at 5:32pm - misc - by hahahano (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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