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Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

by idislikeblanks / 01/30/2013 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

by BarBacked / 04/15/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 12:35pm / Denmark / Love

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

by Elmo / 02/16/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

by the_music_major / 10/18/2010 at 9:09pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML

by sad / 01/08/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

by stepsister / 06/10/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

by D-Man / 02/08/2012 at 8:08am / United States / Love

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

by crazyman. / 05/12/2012 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy