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Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

by Reihna / 10/15/2012 at 9:10am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my mom and dad were arguing. It started getting really heated, so I tried to go break it up. But within a couple of minutes, my mom wanted to make a statement by throwing a plate to the ground, forgetting I was beside her. I now have a throbbing foot with shards of glass in it. FML

by Sadasian / 08/14/2009 at 2:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

by the_music_major / 10/18/2010 at 9:09pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife entered in an ugliest sweater competition at her work. She wore a plain white sweater with a picture of my face printed on it. She came home with first prize. FML

by mclovin09 / 12/18/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

by zzzgrady / 10/26/2010 at 10:46pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

by sam / 12/15/2010 at 3:11pm / United States / Work

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2011 at 8:13am / United States (Ohio) / Holidays

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

by jreed509 / 07/03/2011 at 1:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

by crazyman. / 05/12/2012 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

by idislikeblanks / 01/30/2013 at 2:03am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my landlord's control issue got out of control when I got a call telling me I have "too much stuff" and have to move out of the apartment. I sold all my furniture when I moved in and all I currently own is a scratch post, a chair and a pair of curtains. FML

by that makes me a sad panda / 05/19/2014 at 5:44pm / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Money