Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

#8468411
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26483) - you deserved it (3515)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:29am - work - by underachiever (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

#13938957
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24834) - you deserved it (3515)

On 11/22/2010 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in the bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML

#18491366
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25464) - you deserved it (3515)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at work, a man came up to me and screamed that I was the devil's child, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist the whole time. I just stood there while he prayed for my soul. FML

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

#21310077
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31757) - you deserved it (3515)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

#21352626
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34416) - you deserved it (3515)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:32am - intimacy - by myself - United States

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

#21229931
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36748) - you deserved it (3515)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:55am - misc - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

#69853
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35912) - you deserved it (3513)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

#18991007
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29147) - you deserved it (3513)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:52am - love - by ac-hoo (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

#19503572
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25452) - you deserved it (3513)

On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

#21011563
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41754) - you deserved it (3513)

On 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm - misc - by awkword (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband passed a massive kidney stone. He is so proud of it that he wants to decorate our home with it. It is now sitting on my kitchen counter next to my produce. FML

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

#5273221
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54461) - you deserved it (3512)

On 09/15/2009 at 2:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: