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Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

#4175407
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42521) - you deserved it (3556)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:01am - kids - by BadMurderer (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

#14653951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42327) - you deserved it (3556)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by fianceeless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

#21108820
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53175) - you deserved it (3556)

On 04/09/2014 at 7:47pm - money - by CheapFamily - United States

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

#19805199
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22199) - you deserved it (3556)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

#20428520
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (3556)

On 12/28/2012 at 7:50pm - misc - by say dump him and i'll kill you (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, my university professor admitted to sometimes just winging it when she's teaching. "Yeah," she said, "sometimes I just don't get this stuff either." No wonder I'm failing. 5ML

#21038371
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42674) - you deserved it (3556)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:33pm - misc - by Profucktardor (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

#54782
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66776) - you deserved it (3555)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Elmo - United States (Illinois)

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

#2501660
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60356) - you deserved it (3555)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

#3949793
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61182) - you deserved it (3555)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

#7582501
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (3555)

On 01/26/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

#17757817
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24288) - you deserved it (3555)

On 09/16/2011 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

#21292929
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27170) - you deserved it (3555)

On 11/05/2014 at 7:48pm - health - by cjhgvb - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31203) - you deserved it (3554)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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