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Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19254) - you deserved it (101552)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

#2822443
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27506) - you deserved it (101491)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by studentdriver828 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11804) - you deserved it (101257)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29642) - you deserved it (101208)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9101) - you deserved it (101179)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29930) - you deserved it (101136)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18376) - you deserved it (100897)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

#1686217
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12055) - you deserved it (100503)

On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16617) - you deserved it (100398)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38892) - you deserved it (100345)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

#2719263
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7473) - you deserved it (100319)

On 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

#855959
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25063) - you deserved it (100133)

On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)



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