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Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13613) - you deserved it (96467)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27757) - you deserved it (96132)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

#2593362
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9639) - you deserved it (96014)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:35am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

#1686217
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (95961)

On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

#2719263
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6825) - you deserved it (95949)

On 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15156) - you deserved it (95810)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36324) - you deserved it (95678)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37122) - you deserved it (95465)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
710 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18706) - you deserved it (95314)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

#2822443
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25177) - you deserved it (95312)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by studentdriver828 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

#4438831
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9314) - you deserved it (95285)

On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17096) - you deserved it (95196)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

#17579225
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9178) - you deserved it (95173) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/25/2011 at 5:45pm - love - by santa_maria - Reunion



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