Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6478) - you deserved it (79383)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6546) - you deserved it (79179)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24818) - you deserved it (79173)
On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11637) - you deserved it (78907)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
I agree, your life sucks (991368) - you deserved it (78909)
On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24562) - you deserved it (78848)
On 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12931) - you deserved it (78816)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6450) - you deserved it (78742)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by jerkgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8252) - you deserved it (78580)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8592) - you deserved it (78446)
On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8191) - you deserved it (78132)
On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24388) - you deserved it (78035)
On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)
Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5469) - you deserved it (77928)
On 07/21/2009 at 12:14am - love - by embarrassed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
