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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

#16725871
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9618) - you deserved it (100920)

On 06/18/2011 at 6:32am - health - by princev - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

#3593613
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11983) - you deserved it (100617)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18365) - you deserved it (100549)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

#5387856
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10132) - you deserved it (100465)

On 09/21/2009 at 2:06am - love - by FreeOfCharge (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14889) - you deserved it (100156)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13455) - you deserved it (99984)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9600) - you deserved it (99901)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

#14353887
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9447) - you deserved it (99294)

On 12/27/2010 at 3:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7608) - you deserved it (99081)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (99059)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10545) - you deserved it (99038)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14046) - you deserved it (98719)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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