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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14854) - you deserved it (99969)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14009) - you deserved it (99898)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13437) - you deserved it (99831)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9576) - you deserved it (99597)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

#187385
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14214) - you deserved it (99336)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:11pm - money - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

#14353887
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9424) - you deserved it (99082)

On 12/27/2010 at 3:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12147) - you deserved it (98955)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10521) - you deserved it (98883)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19644) - you deserved it (98881)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7588) - you deserved it (98853)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14001) - you deserved it (98490)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52340) - you deserved it (98127)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)



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