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Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8293) - you deserved it (103487)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14746) - you deserved it (103157)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

#1054531
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11674) - you deserved it (102803)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

#865761
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8705) - you deserved it (102712)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by jerkgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54912) - you deserved it (102052)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23112) - you deserved it (101713)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

#4340185
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28486) - you deserved it (101407)

On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

#5387856
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10210) - you deserved it (101143)

On 09/21/2009 at 2:06am - love - by FreeOfCharge (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18481) - you deserved it (101084)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9666) - you deserved it (100861)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13522) - you deserved it (100316)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

#14353887
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (100038)

On 12/27/2010 at 3:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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