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Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7231) - you deserved it (108532)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (108007)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7617) - you deserved it (107918)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

#14578612
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6981) - you deserved it (107799)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:43pm - money - by calidumbass - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (106883)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8772) - you deserved it (106601)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

#3919159
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8159) - you deserved it (106310)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:14am - love - by embarrassed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29652) - you deserved it (106077)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23724) - you deserved it (105877)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8449) - you deserved it (105582)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

#2311636
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13549) - you deserved it (105571)

On 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by Wick (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

#14747577
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8472) - you deserved it (105422)

On 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm - love - by peeoncarl1111 - United States

Today, I am supposed to be doing my homework. Instead, I'm wasting my time on here. Yeah, it's kinda my fault. FML

#94
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14970) - you deserved it (105082)

On 10/27/2008 at 10:53am - misc - by me - United States (New York)



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