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Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7036) - you deserved it (98297)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

#865761
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7947) - you deserved it (98196)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by jerkgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

#3919159
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6776) - you deserved it (98176)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:14am - love - by embarrassed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5837) - you deserved it (97915)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21656) - you deserved it (97834)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39621) - you deserved it (97815)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13937) - you deserved it (97799)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14125) - you deserved it (97541)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7532) - you deserved it (97106)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

#911522
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11736) - you deserved it (96532)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:38am - intimacy - by Smooth (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13125) - you deserved it (96509)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I am supposed to be doing my homework. Instead, I'm wasting my time on here. Yeah, it's kinda my fault. FML

#94
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12356) - you deserved it (96317)

On 10/27/2008 at 10:53am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

#16725871
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8871) - you deserved it (96302)

On 06/18/2011 at 6:32am - health - by princev - United States



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