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Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

#4330771
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20626) - you deserved it (113191)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:27am - misc - by Cowan - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

#4105685
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7591) - you deserved it (112987)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by idiot (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8645) - you deserved it (112923)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

#16495261
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11328) - you deserved it (112763)

On 06/04/2011 at 5:36am - love - by PizzaBoySwag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32755) - you deserved it (112189)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11662) - you deserved it (111192)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18983) - you deserved it (111014)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8644) - you deserved it (111008)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29669) - you deserved it (110829)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

#14179571
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6622) - you deserved it (110647)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by dumbass1991 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

#16997621
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7679) - you deserved it (110433)

On 07/06/2011 at 5:17am - health - by Fmylife (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

#2987164
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (110098)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)



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