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Friday 8 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

TODAY, WANTING TO IMPRESS DATE, I BULLSHITTD HER ABOUT HOW I WAS AN ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST. SHE GOT SO IMPRESSD THAT SHE INVITD ME OVER TO HER PLACE. NOT HER HOME, HER OFFICE. SO THAT I COULD GIVE HER POINTERS ON HER CURRENT PROJECT. SHE'S A REAL ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST. FML

#20531914
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8879) - you deserved it (68197)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)

Today, I discovered te "may ave a laxative effect" warning on ma sugar-free jelly beans sould actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27957) - you deserved it (4955)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today fiancée and I showed mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said "Looks lyk a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33347) - you deserved it (2425)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on mah phone . One of mah co-workers cummed in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn mah phone's sound off . She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting . FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27836) - you deserved it (6326)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years . I also found out later that symbol stands for urine . FML

#20539190
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9117) - you deserved it (46520)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:43am - misc - by PeeLeg (woman) -

Today, Sinca I Hadn't Aatan An Was About To Hava A Thraa Hour Class, I Bought Panda Exprass. I Sat Opposita Mah Classroom To Aat. Soon Aftar I Startad Aating, A Wad Of Saliva Droppad Into Mah Bowl, An I Haard Somaona Yall "BONUS POINTS!" From Tha Sacond Floor. FML

2day I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I looool couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (4442)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I found out y my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup 4 me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's cuz he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

#20543666
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30744) - you deserved it (11047)

On 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I Told My Grlfriand I'va Baan A Vagatarian 4 6 Yaars . Haaring This, My Mom Said, ( No, You'ra Not . I Fry Your Mushrooms An Onions In Bacon Graasa . ) With This Naw Information, I'va Baan A Vagatarian 4 About 76 Hours . FML

#20544221
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33718) - you deserved it (8743)

On 03/15/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today , I found out that mah boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's mah best friend , we do this all the time." I have been dating him fir over a year. FML

#20532334
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43962) - you deserved it (3668)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today... my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said... "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

#20535549
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34967) - you deserved it (2160)

On 03/08/2013 at 5:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today I'm so broke after paying mah bills that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street 4 lunch . The worst part: to get the butter I stormed in an angrily complained saying they forgot to give it to me . I never even ordered a pizza . FML

#20537238
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36042) - you deserved it (8673)

On 03/09/2013 at 6:03pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I attended te reading of my grandfater's will!! I didn't expect to recieve anyting, since is side of te family ad always ostracized me for bieng born out of wedlock!! I did get someting: $3,500, on te binding condition tat I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy!! FML

#20543737
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34737) - you deserved it (2553)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)



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