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Wednesday 6 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

#20542280
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34622) - you deserved it (6064)

On 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm - misc - by bruised - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32561) - you deserved it (2907)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

#20530545
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33963) - you deserved it (3609)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to discover that the guy I hooked up with last night did indeed have a mullet. FML

#20535419
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17014) - you deserved it (54918)

On 03/08/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by WeHitTurbulence (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally got the courage to confess my feelings to the guy I have loved for a year now in a long note. He called half an hour later and said, "I'm not going to read this crap, just tell me what it says". FML

#20535268
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34161) - you deserved it (7649)

On 03/07/2013 at 10:53pm - love - by hoolabaloo (woman) - India (Gujarat)

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30007) - you deserved it (4099)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

#20534364
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40264) - you deserved it (2428)

On 03/07/2013 at 3:17am - work - by crap - United States

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34769) - you deserved it (4163)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

#20530703
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34696) - you deserved it (7221)

On 03/04/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (5862)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16086) - you deserved it (26452)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

#20536189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (3805)

On 03/08/2013 at 7:38pm - misc - by fuck you, gran (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML

#20536129
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38731) - you deserved it (9021)

On 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by marriage/celibacy/synonymity (man) - Norway (Hordaland)



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