Tuesday 19 February 2013 
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Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29492) - you deserved it (4466)
On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29864) - you deserved it (4484)
On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)
Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11552) - you deserved it (30267)
On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25509) - you deserved it (2283)
On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States
Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (1547)
On 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by Sigh (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19649) - you deserved it (5180)
On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35384) - you deserved it (2431)
On 02/19/2013 at 12:05pm - misc - by SchoolSucks (woman) - United States
Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29322) - you deserved it (2875)
On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9247) - you deserved it (21596)
On 02/22/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by shelbylove115 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22437) - you deserved it (2517)
On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30509) - you deserved it (2134)
On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (2098)
On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33716) - you deserved it (1801)
On 02/24/2013 at 6:17am - animals - by incendiaaa (woman) - Australia
Monday 17 June 2013
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