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Friday 8 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

#20500417
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34293) - you deserved it (3286)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30485) - you deserved it (6673)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47440) - you deserved it (5478)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (40440)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

#20508609
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34725) - you deserved it (3307)

On 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22473) - you deserved it (8184)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19772) - you deserved it (40586)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

#20499439
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51750) - you deserved it (6002)

On 02/09/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

#20503300
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26099) - you deserved it (16744)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28145) - you deserved it (5175)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

#20503854
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26000) - you deserved it (6169)

On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

#20507650
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34155) - you deserved it (10105)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States



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