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Monday 4 February 2013

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Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML

by IHeartBlueJay / 02/08/2013 at 12:31am / United States / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML

by fineillpissthebedthen / 02/07/2013 at 5:56pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

by picasso / 02/05/2013 at 8:09am / United States / Work

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

by UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh / 02/09/2013 at 12:21pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

by fireenginemad / 02/10/2013 at 1:08am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

by shaviTuT / 02/07/2013 at 2:44pm / Malaysia (Johor) / Animals

Today, really desperate to get a job, I filled out an application for a dishwashing job. My application got tossed out, because I'm not an economics major like the other guy applying for the same job. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2013 at 12:55pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

by vacationless / 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (West Virginia) / Holidays

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

by Colleen Nichols / 02/04/2013 at 7:17am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

by Kybo5 / 02/08/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

by loquacious shit stain / 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

by perfect / 02/04/2013 at 3:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my furnace broke down, almost a month after its twenty year warranty expired. It would have been replaced for free. Now I'm going to have to take out a loan to afford the $4,000 replacement. FML

by chillyinside / 02/10/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Miscellaneous