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Wednesday 30 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39928) - you deserved it (9224)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (8644)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24642) - you deserved it (4813)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24806) - you deserved it (9193)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31261) - you deserved it (3668)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34426) - you deserved it (9157)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

#20490556
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38443) - you deserved it (4968)

On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26893) - you deserved it (7137)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

#20486186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28579) - you deserved it (1942)

On 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by jeoak - India

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28449) - you deserved it (2778)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

#20485855
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28869) - you deserved it (2384)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:52am - health - by Miss Blairgowrie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

#20486408
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36644) - you deserved it (2599)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

#20492128
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33139) - you deserved it (4026)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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