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Monday 28 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23456) - you deserved it (36193)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31813) - you deserved it (20494)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

#20491836
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11931) - you deserved it (30082)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

#20492510
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34466) - you deserved it (5943)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

#20482645
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27989) - you deserved it (3402)

On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69036) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

#20484368
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33806) - you deserved it (2414)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

#20489969
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38477) - you deserved it (4170)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10888) - you deserved it (33646)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

#20493004
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53040) - you deserved it (3432)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51459) - you deserved it (14535)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36675) - you deserved it (2557)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38660) - you deserved it (2178)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)



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