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Friday 25 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40191) - you deserved it (9576)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

#20481657
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (7869)

On 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

#20478132
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30177) - you deserved it (4523)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm - love - by vagina dentata for christmas, pls (woman) - United States

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

#20478664
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43076) - you deserved it (2370)

On 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by protoplasm stole my seat (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

#20480168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45668) - you deserved it (4738)

On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

#20482645
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (3205)

On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

#20472773
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29915) - you deserved it (2608)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:14am - work - by Job Seeking (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

#20484368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (2403)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34053) - you deserved it (5802)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10808) - you deserved it (33467)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

#20472081
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41939) - you deserved it (4277)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by sarah6786 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

#20477486
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you deserved it (2704)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by teacher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49316) - you deserved it (13935)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada



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