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Thursday 10 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34133) - you deserved it (2762)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28648) - you deserved it (3143)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30625) - you deserved it (8768)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40353) - you deserved it (4213)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41026) - you deserved it (7182)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49258) - you deserved it (4753)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36487) - you deserved it (3821)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35678) - you deserved it (5167)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43728) - you deserved it (9136)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46271) - you deserved it (7913)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

#20458655
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46254) - you deserved it (5621)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:56am - love - by shiney100893 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

#20453308
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39242) - you deserved it (6371)

On 01/11/2013 at 6:36am - love - by GiraffeLover - Australia

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19724) - you deserved it (36360)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)



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