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Thursday 6 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13315) - you deserved it (30323)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

#20198676
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34718) - you deserved it (6779)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31489) - you deserved it (5851)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45137) - you deserved it (3004)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

#20199177
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (15703)

On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

#20199342
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29323) - you deserved it (6683)

On 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39237) - you deserved it (3178)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37725) - you deserved it (4301)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27469) - you deserved it (6174)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25366) - you deserved it (4805)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

#20199980
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27101) - you deserved it (5340)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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