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Friday 30 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11862) - you deserved it (27957)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41814) - you deserved it (6601)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38567) - you deserved it (3143)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40794) - you deserved it (3609)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

#20194616
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27759) - you deserved it (5310)

On 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29223) - you deserved it (3363)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23774) - you deserved it (4605)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34498) - you deserved it (3982)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20349) - you deserved it (1575)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

#20184714
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26711) - you deserved it (2912)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36070) - you deserved it (3384)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32808) - you deserved it (3664)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)



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