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Thursday 29 November 2012

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Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 6:27am / Israel / Kids

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

by Vassy / 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

by goodbye cruel world / 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my guy friend kept complaining that no one had asked him to the dance, so he probably wasn't going to go. I suggested that we go together. He laughed until his face was bright red and said, "I don't think I'll ever get that desperate." FML

by Anna / 12/02/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

by allbrokeup / 12/01/2012 at 6:54pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

by Matt8 / 12/06/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working the dart game at my local amusement park when a couple paid to play. They were highly intoxicated, and they thought the object of the game was to hit me with the darts. FML

by hawksbc / 11/28/2012 at 10:14am / United States (Iowa) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

by fabs1171 / 11/29/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML

by JStein / 11/28/2012 at 11:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

by FUSheldon / 11/28/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

by potheadloljk / 12/01/2012 at 9:01pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 1:06am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous