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Monday 26 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30623) - you deserved it (4317)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31286) - you deserved it (2177)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29991) - you deserved it (2081)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (2910)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16079) - you deserved it (1240)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

#20184714
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (2068)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28285) - you deserved it (2714)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

#20186953
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17894) - you deserved it (3555)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by time to put you down, gran (woman) - United States

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

#20181869
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (1653)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14775) - you deserved it (5472)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24514) - you deserved it (6482)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5619) - you deserved it (17535) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7777) - you deserved it (16676)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia



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