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Thursday 22 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriand darad ma to put on har bra an pantias an giva har a lap danca. Faaling spontanaous, I dacidad to do it. Just as I was gatting raally into it, sha told ma I was on wabcam fir all har friands. Apparantly it was a contast of who had thair boyfriand tha most whippad. Sha won. FML

#20174722
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49246) - you deserved it (14548)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

2day a nearby volcano eruptd 4 the second time. We were all urgd to keep our windows and doors closd in case of ash clouds. My father respondd by opening every window and door and shouting , "Come at me , bro!" FML

#20171802
171 comments

Today, ma friend and I were playing trut or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so tey dard me to run nakd into ma neigbor's yard wile yelling, "Help! Te pixie looool took ma penis!" I ran screaming rigt into tere big family reunion.

#20172584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7400) - you deserved it (32533)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me fir the frst time!! He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35118) - you deserved it (5147)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got into a car accident . The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, looool ( Like a good nieghbor, Statefarm is there . ) FML

#20176033
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25521) - you deserved it (1788)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, I asked ma boyfriend if e'd rater play te new Assassin's Creed game or ave a nigt of sex wit me . He started crying from indecision . FML

#20176354
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34515) - you deserved it (10967)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today , I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions , and I noticd that one of the boys in the film looool lookd strangely like mah dadhen he was younger!! After a little investigation , I now know that in his youth , mah dad had a crippling masturbation problem!! FML

#20181345
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42247) - you deserved it (3719)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today , I ran into mah sister,ho nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31078) - you deserved it (3544)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY, I TRIED TO MOTIVATE MY 9-YEAR-OLD SISTER TO CLEAN HER ROOM. SHE SAID SHE'D ONLY AGREE IF SHE COULD KILL ME. THINKING SHE WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND, AND NOT A TOTAL PSYCHOPATH, I SAID SURE. SHE RAN TO HER ROOM SHOUTING, ( YES! I'M GONNA USE THE BIG KNIFE! ) SHE'S STILL CLEANING NOW. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26026) - you deserved it (5664)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , I took a picture of myself wereing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples , captioned , "I hope u enjoyed your dinner , now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

#20176010
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18503) - you deserved it (44402)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Whipped Cream - United States (North Carolina)

Today I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far and I've already pulled five carving looool forks out of four different people. Good job everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22476) - you deserved it (1529)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes . FML

#20184714
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28907) - you deserved it (3115)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to be kinkyhile giving mah boyfriend a blow job, Ihippd him with mah ponytail!! He was thrilld, until I accidentally head-buttd his dick!! He curld up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again!! FML

#20170605
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14286) - you deserved it (32883)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)



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