Choose the period

Sunday 18 November 2012

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

by makiju / 11/13/2012 at 4:23pm / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I had amazing make-up sex after a huge fight. Turns out he forgot to let me know it was actually break-up sex. FML

by lellow_171 / 11/18/2012 at 8:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

by depressedpreggo / 11/18/2012 at 6:00am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 4:39am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

by minime94 / 11/15/2012 at 1:35am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

by KtSue / 11/12/2012 at 12:25am / United States / Health

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

by Chris / 11/20/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

by talker / 11/14/2012 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 8:34pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals