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Saturday 17 November 2012

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Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

by sarahhbear / 11/17/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

by B-Rad / 11/15/2012 at 12:48am / United States / Love

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

by myleghurts / 11/12/2012 at 1:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

by duhasiangirl / 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

by jakeson12 / 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Love

Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 12:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my sister's wedding book. Inside it was a list of potential grooms; she'd written down all of my ex-boyfriends. And my fiancé. We're getting married in three weeks. FML

by he's mine / 11/14/2012 at 2:46am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

by Ice cold / 11/22/2012 at 12:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

by babyblues / 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2012 at 6:59pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Work

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 8:29pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

by Hover Hand / 11/20/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

by sarahijklmnop / 11/14/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work