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Taday I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read ( Well son this diary proves that your ahiny asshole - Dad. ) Thanks Dad from beyond the grave. FML
Today, ma dad asked me to send ma mom a text since e was driving and I was in te passenger seat . I pulled up ma mom's contact on is pone, and I found tat ma mom ad recently sent ma dad a picture of er jugs, along wit te message, "We miss you."
Today Ma Girlfriend Looked Me Straigt In Te Eye An Said, "I Know About Te Sea Turtles." I Asked Er Wat Se Was Talking About An Se Said, "Next Time, Sut Up Or I'll Sow You Pain." I Ave No Idea Wat Se's Talking About. FML
today I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement . Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars . FML
I arrived home after a hard day's work to see mah 12-year-old sister had greased up mah 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML
Today, I found a woundd turkey in our backyard . I brought it inside, puttd it in a cage, and tendd to its wounds . I then left . When I got back home, I smelld the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking . She had prepard a turkey, the one I'd rescud . FML
Friday 27 March 2015