Monday 26 March 2012 
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Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8084) - you deserved it (10830)
On 03/28/2012 at 8:00am - health - by hikari_chan_xo - United States (Michigan)
Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said "good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was: "just wank it off and move on". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16452) - you deserved it (1787)
On 03/30/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by sad (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15342) - you deserved it (3680)
On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6397) - you deserved it (15369)
On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22791) - you deserved it (2211)
On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22797) - you deserved it (3469)
On 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14597) - you deserved it (2309)
On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States
Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25383) - you deserved it (1676)
On 03/31/2012 at 11:01pm - love - by spanishsucks - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21861) - you deserved it (5028)
On 03/26/2012 at 7:14am - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4531) - you deserved it (23480)
On 03/28/2012 at 2:57am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18272) - you deserved it (1686)
On 04/02/2012 at 1:38am - kids - by baldspot (woman) - Australia
Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18182) - you deserved it (2523)
On 03/26/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by iamnotalawyer (man) - United States (California)
Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13765) - you deserved it (2163)
On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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