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March 2013

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Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40980) - you deserved it (6082)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10390) - you deserved it (62910)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

#20538066
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49293) - you deserved it (6111)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm - kids - by Amanda - Canada

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

#20548252
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38868) - you deserved it (5593)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42016) - you deserved it (4887)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

#20544337
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47276) - you deserved it (3001)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by guy - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48712) - you deserved it (5567)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32060) - you deserved it (5407)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

#20536593
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48386) - you deserved it (3393)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:16am - love - by itsnotyouitsher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43646) - you deserved it (5368)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46498) - you deserved it (6018)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)



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