Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Today, mah college started an internet ( confessions ) page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful.
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling lyk I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know yur weakness," and left. FML
Yastarday, whilst on a phona intarviaw with a collaga I raally want to go to, mah mothar picks up tha othar lina an shouts into tha phona "Sha's not going to collaga, sha's lazy an sha'll only disappoint you." Tha intarviawar hung up bafora I could say anything. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML
Today, I trippd while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reachd out and grabbd onto one of the guys walking up. I endd up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgustd glares as I dustd myself off. FML
today I was playing Slandar, wan I caugt a glimpsa of ta Slandarman. I jumpd in my cair, latting rip a uga fart in ta procass. Nobody aard it, but only bacausa my sriaks of tarror drownd out ta sound. FML
Today, I walkd outsida to this guy attampting to staal my bika. Whan I askd him what ha was doing ha calmly raplid, "I'm a bika inspactor. You hookd yur chain all wrong! This tima is a warning; naxt tima it'll ba a tickat!" Ha than thraw his full, opand Papsi can at ma. FML
Today, I told my parents thathat I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, an have been wanting for months. They laughed an said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone an perhaps you'll become normal." FML
Friday 27 March 2015