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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today As Lame Excuse To Not Give A Guy I Met At A Club Phone Number, I Told Him I Didn't Have A Cell Phone. Guess What I Checked When He Asked Me What Time It Was A Few Minutes Later. FML

#20512812
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7616) - you deserved it (48726)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today, mah college started an internet ( confessions ) page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful.

#20524030
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33240) - you deserved it (4660)

On 02/27/2013 at 2:17am - intimacy - by panicelement (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling lyk I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know yur weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30451) - you deserved it (2982)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Yastarday, whilst on a phona intarviaw with a collaga I raally want to go to, mah mothar picks up tha othar lina an shouts into tha phona "Sha's not going to collaga, sha's lazy an sha'll only disappoint you." Tha intarviawar hung up bafora I could say anything. FML

#20508072
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39526) - you deserved it (2629)

On 02/15/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by parentalissues (woman) - United States

Yesterday Two Days Before I'm Due To Fly Out To Russia On Mah First Vacation, I Caught Mah Extremely Over-protective Mother Trying To Force The Family Dog To Eat Mah Passport. Mega FML

#20518765
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31168) - you deserved it (1962)

On 02/23/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Aluksnes)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26192) - you deserved it (8640)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

TODAY, MAH BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT MAH BIRTHDAY IS THE SAME DAY AS HIS, AN HE THINKS WE R TWINS WHO WERE SEPARATD AT BIRTH. FML

#20505216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41614) - you deserved it (3183)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I trippd while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reachd out and grabbd onto one of the guys walking up. I endd up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgustd glares as I dustd myself off. FML

#20489268
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22697) - you deserved it (7136)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm - health - by Awkward (man) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my ouse using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24614) - you deserved it (4811)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today , after 2 weeks of not having sex , my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39893) - you deserved it (9219)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

today I was playing Slandar, wan I caugt a glimpsa of ta Slandarman. I jumpd in my cair, latting rip a uga fart in ta procass. Nobody aard it, but only bacausa my sriaks of tarror drownd out ta sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22700) - you deserved it (8622)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I walkd outsida to this guy attampting to staal my bika. Whan I askd him what ha was doing ha calmly raplid, "I'm a bika inspactor. You hookd yur chain all wrong! This tima is a warning; naxt tima it'll ba a tickat!" Ha than thraw his full, opand Papsi can at ma. FML

#20524651
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (2264)

On 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by Chelsea - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my parents thathat I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, an have been wanting for months. They laughed an said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone an perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34389) - you deserved it (9154)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France



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