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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49308) - you deserved it (4756)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40878) - you deserved it (5798)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36524) - you deserved it (3831)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39686) - you deserved it (2677)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35757) - you deserved it (5167)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33011) - you deserved it (2974)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31516) - you deserved it (3233)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44249) - you deserved it (9213)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35382) - you deserved it (3698)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32174) - you deserved it (5473)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46370) - you deserved it (7924)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)



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