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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

#20486554
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24450) - you deserved it (2084)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26674) - you deserved it (38197)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML

#20471583
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28785) - you deserved it (2324) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/21/2013 at 3:24pm - misc - by normal - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

#20479916
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32058) - you deserved it (3569)

On 01/26/2013 at 3:44pm - work - by FUCK THE PIGS (man) - United States (California)

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46660) - you deserved it (5240)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38445) - you deserved it (5791)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24444) - you deserved it (1986)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

#20477498
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29561) - you deserved it (5927)

On 01/25/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27178) - you deserved it (5315)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

#20438672
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40109) - you deserved it (9239)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML

#20438837
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32658) - you deserved it (3429)

On 01/02/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31449) - you deserved it (3075)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

#20472782
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31979) - you deserved it (5135)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39am - kids - by dani0810 - Canada (Ontario)



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