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December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14405) - you deserved it (33727)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

#20405418
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28862) - you deserved it (8339)

On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

#20403784
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34950) - you deserved it (3380)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32296) - you deserved it (8848)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

#20199980
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19503) - you deserved it (3705)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

#20407286
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28217) - you deserved it (3186)

On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22680) - you deserved it (3588)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32468) - you deserved it (5455)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38529) - you deserved it (3919)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25348) - you deserved it (4805) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36079) - you deserved it (13350)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29259) - you deserved it (7836)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

#20197527
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23804) - you deserved it (1326)

On 12/09/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by woodless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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