Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18129) - you deserved it (29272)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

#20184714
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30188) - you deserved it (3233)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by childhoodupinsmoke (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34557) - you deserved it (6216)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19927) - you deserved it (6415)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30908) - you deserved it (6527)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)

Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML

#20159880
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35354) - you deserved it (2228)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:12am - misc - by BulldogHoops - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25258) - you deserved it (1791)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10380) - you deserved it (46463)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15061) - you deserved it (34124)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9765) - you deserved it (31111) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

#20166401
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27226) - you deserved it (5574)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:34am - love - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22181) - you deserved it (2992)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: