Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13789) - you deserved it (3193)
On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20205) - you deserved it (2100)
On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25819) - you deserved it (2024)
On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (1428)
On 10/02/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Jake (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7837) - you deserved it (28045)
On 10/20/2012 at 9:57am - intimacy - by MIND BLOWING - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8797) - you deserved it (21516)
On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)
Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16982) - you deserved it (2071)
On 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm - love - by Alice - United Kingdom
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12825) - you deserved it (32103)
On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20617) - you deserved it (4575)
On 10/08/2012 at 5:12am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (1335)
On 10/06/2012 at 3:49am - love - by BusinessTurtle - United States (Iowa)
Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15182) - you deserved it (2785)
On 10/02/2012 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anna - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was slapped by a fourteen-year-old girl because I was apparently "stealing her boyfriend." I'm twenty-five, and her boyfriend is my nephew. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22319) - you deserved it (1133)
On 10/03/2012 at 8:45pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18565) - you deserved it (2161)
On 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm - love - by SFra - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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