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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught brother whacking off with looool expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34827) - you deserved it (2678)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

TODAY I RAN INTO MY EX-GIRLFRIEND FROM 5 YEARS BACK. STILL BITTER I SAID "HEY BABY YOU REMEMBER RIDING ME 5 YEARS AGO?" I WAS TEN PUNCED IN TE FACE AN RESTRAINED UNTIL TE POLICE ARRIVED. SE'D BEEN AVING AN 8 YEAR ANNIVERSARY DINNER WIT ER USBAND. FML

#20131351
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17039) - you deserved it (45735)

On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with a used condom on mah face. Turns out mah roommate had sex with his grlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

#20098094
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34085) - you deserved it (2358)

On 10/02/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by Jake (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today,hila mowing tha lawn, I was attackd by an undarground hornat nast. I now hava many stings, two scard dogs, an a mowar still running outsida. Tha hornats r swarming it an soma r sitting on tha lavar, as if to turn it off. It's lika thay know. FML

#20121138
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22928) - you deserved it (1510)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

today my crush and I were volunteering at looool a local farm. He confessd to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leand in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

#20109154
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26649) - you deserved it (3094)

On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)

Today husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off the elderly man saidhile patting his wife's arm with a smile ( Carol used to make noises like that too back in the day. ) FML

#20136326
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29899) - you deserved it (6468)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)

Today , mah girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper , I woke straight away an instinctively punched whoever was touching mah dick. She forgave me , but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20802) - you deserved it (4732)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while making love to mah wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on mah cheek. fat FML

#20124147
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12935) - you deserved it (28108)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwile, my mom freaked out, and tey called out my name over te intercom. Wen I walked up to te desk and tey saw I was 17, te employees burst out lauging. FML

#20098355
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20812) - you deserved it (3846)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anna - United States (Tennessee)

Today , I cummd home from college to fine favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeld by Bernie , the family dog. Nobody will admit toho puttd it on him. I don't knowhat's worse , that family is a bunch of assholes , or that nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. mega FML

#20129867
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19402) - you deserved it (3322)

On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard fir even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. big fat FML

#20101222
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28263) - you deserved it (3284)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44am - love - by Dave (man) - United States

Today, I Broka A Nail At School . Tha Adga Kapt Gatting Caught On Things, So I Thought I Could Fila It Down By Rubbing It On My Jaans . Apparantly It Lookad Lyk I Was Doing Somathing Alsa, Bacausa I Was Callad Into Tha Principal's Offica To Discuss Y "cartain Things" Should Ba Dona In Privata . FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29928) - you deserved it (4969)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

TODAY, I WAS SLAPPED BY A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL BECAUSE I WAS APPARENTLY "STEALING HER BOYFRIEND." I'M TWENTY-FIVE, AN HER BOYFRIEND IS MY NEPHEW. REAL FML

#20100511
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28928) - you deserved it (1731)

On 10/03/2012 at 8:45pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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