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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21332) - you deserved it (2984)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

#20109681
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22773) - you deserved it (2067)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

#20124484
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4492) - you deserved it (35212) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/19/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by Jugan - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

#20102528
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18413) - you deserved it (11557)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

#20113923
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17997) - you deserved it (1735)

On 10/12/2012 at 6:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

#20127580
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19269) - you deserved it (4644)

On 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

#20099296
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22117) - you deserved it (1451)

On 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm - work - by Sara (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

#20103865
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21842) - you deserved it (1526)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:12am - health - by monkers - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22786) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. I didn't realize I hadn't been invited until we were about to sit down to eat. There were 12 chairs, 12 plates, 12 forks, and 12 glasses. I was the 13th person to arrive. FML

#20141489
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24266) - you deserved it (2357)

On 10/31/2012 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

#20116821
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25922) - you deserved it (1753)

On 10/14/2012 at 4:57pm - money - by hate enough to kill... (man) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

#20105847
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25855) - you deserved it (1557)

On 10/07/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by RIP (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

#20132044
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8850) - you deserved it (29912)

On 10/24/2012 at 10:36pm - money - by onlyme (woman) - United States



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