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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23242) - you deserved it (2212)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

#20118571
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24725) - you deserved it (1596)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

#20102773
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12460) - you deserved it (24290)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

#20111577
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27927) - you deserved it (2019)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:56am - love - by agh marriage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26470) - you deserved it (2536)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

#20125706
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21712) - you deserved it (4353)

On 10/20/2012 at 8:22pm - love - by cargaljen (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

#20109821
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23730) - you deserved it (2666)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm - kids - by ohgod. - United States (Florida)

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

#20103809
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12941) - you deserved it (1917)

On 10/06/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Joey - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

#20130988
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24940) - you deserved it (1507)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

#20131695
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24768) - you deserved it (3140)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

#20097322
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (2177)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by raz (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

#20108214
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22566) - you deserved it (4691)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by hnickell93 (woman) - United States (California)



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