Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23084) - you deserved it (6923)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17547) - you deserved it (16361)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28474) - you deserved it (4127)
On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10634) - you deserved it (35357)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21776) - you deserved it (3941)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30504) - you deserved it (4750)
On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21463) - you deserved it (4323)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25637) - you deserved it (4304)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19972) - you deserved it (6932)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17916) - you deserved it (38262)
On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (5278)
On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8177) - you deserved it (45299)
On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34792) - you deserved it (24263)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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