Tuesday 5 March 2013 
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Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35267) - you deserved it (3396)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States
Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26756) - you deserved it (10852)
On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29553) - you deserved it (3751)
On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6931) - you deserved it (51291)
On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37922) - you deserved it (3032)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37613) - you deserved it (2337)
On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30007) - you deserved it (4390)
On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33028) - you deserved it (3630)
On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)
Today, my car got rear ended by a driver with an "I brake for squirrels" bumper sticker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19600) - you deserved it (1357)
On 03/05/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by MoonBunny - United States (Florida)
Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30692) - you deserved it (3896)
On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19174) - you deserved it (1892)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by apparently-a-shed (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25074) - you deserved it (1228)
On 03/05/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by sotired - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 17 June 2013
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